Ten Thousand Makes Damn Near Perfect Pants

I’m looking for the perfect pants. Well, these are not the perfect pants for you; the perfect pants for me. Let’s be real, there is no such thing as a perfect pair of pants for everyone. But maybe we overlap, you and me.

It’s not a fashion magazine. When Perry Ferrell sneered nasally, “He doesn’t even understand fashion,” he was talking about me. As far as I know, fashion is a way of separating people from their money on a regular basis rather than an occasional basis. Fashion has nothing to do with perfect pants. They just don’t have to look like Amazon pants cut out of trash bags by a toddler.

The perfect pants have enough pockets, but not too many. I postulate that cargo pants are not perfect pants. Sometimes cargo pants can be perfect pants, but rarely. The perfect pants are discreet and do not draw attention to the wearer. The perfect pants are made from natural fibers. The perfect pants…um, My the perfect pants, which I came to discover, do not exist. However, I discovered an almost perfect pair of pants: Ten thousand tactical pants.

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Just to the right

The Ten Thousand Tactical Pants meet almost all of my criteria. Let’s start with the cut. They don’t look like trash bags, nor do they bulge like ridiculous things. “tablet compatible” clothing designed to hold a complete computer in your drawers. The bar may be low, but look, in this day and age, can the bar be too low? Ten Thousand’s pants are simple in the sense that they simply look like pants.

They have enough pockets and they are roomy pockets, but there aren’t many. Combined with a loose (but not baggy) fit, the main pockets are deep enough to hold my Fujifilm X70 camera, notebook, The best pencil on Earth, and my keys. On the side of the leg there are two hidden pockets with zippers. That’s where I put my wallet, which is really just a binder clip to hold my license, debit card, and money.

Close-up of details on the Ten Thousand Tactical Pants

Ten thousand tactical pants.

Photography: Dix Mille

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